Packing

So, the time has finally come. I have only about a week before I begin to move myself into Brattleboro. The plan is to transport all necessary items next weekend (September 4-6ish). In one respect I am very excited, but in another, I am a bit nervous. The actual state of being nervous about moving in is an interesting thing for me, as it's something that I have oddly enough been able to avoid almost completely until now. For pretty much the entire summer, moving into Brattleboro, getting adjusted, and whatnot really seemed like a no-brainer. Oh there's so nothing to worry about. I have stayed in the same place I will be staying for a full week at the beginning of last summer (while I was attending their 2009 Aerial Skills Workshop), have been to NECCA before on many other occasions for workshops and other classes, know many of the instructors well, as well as am rather familiar with the surrounding town. I knew I could handle living there, as I had shown myself that I could. The only real difference was that this is just going to be for longer. Everyone goes to college and almost (I guess :P) everyone survives the experience fine. This, although not quite set up in the same way as college, would overall be a similar transition. Clearly a no-brainer. (HUR HUR HUR...)

Well, while in the long run, this may be a reasonable thing to assume, it still didn't stop me from getting nervous. (and I say "in the long run" because things, by their intrinsic nature, are pretty much bound to go wrong (or, at least, not exactly as expected) no matter how I approach this) Yesterday I was at the house of a very good friend of mine and I was with her as she was packing many of her belongings into boxes. At that point, I really hadn't thought as much about what stuff I was planning on brining than I really should have, so seeing what she was deciding to bring along really got me started thinking about what I should bring with me to Brattleboro. When things popped into my head, whether blatantly obvious or not (such as "wintertime clothing goodness" or "webcam") I would take note of them and make a list. Today I found myself a bit bored and thought it'd be a good idea to get some of these things of mine together. I took up some boxes from the garage and began to put inside them books, stationary, juggling equipment, electronic stuff, and whatever else I felt was appropriate to bring. It was definitely good for me to do this, and particularly so at a time where I wasn't rushed, as otherwise I think I would have neglected to bring some of the simple things, such as my old Rubik's cube, a Spanish-English dictionary, and my two beloved childhood stuffed animals, "big doggie" and "little doggie." I also found out really how much junk I have in my room (and by junk, I mean all the things I've outgrown, all the maze books completely drawn in, and all the Nickelodeon magazines stuffed together way in the corner -- just all the stuff that I've about lost touch with as I've gone through life). In this way, my transition here is to be somewhat of a purification for me. For years I have spent my life in this room, and while I will miss it dearly, it no longer holds all the things that I feel represent who I have become anymore. As I prepare to leave, I am setting aside the things that I consider to be truly 18-year-old-Trevor and no longer those of my younger self.

This separation and change is something that has begun to nerve me a bit. I had thought about this before. I knew that there would be changes and that particularly with this year, and as to quote from my earlier post, this year would be a "departure" from my older way of thinking into a new one. Along with this change, however, I have come to realize come many others. Yes, duh, I knew I'd be living somewhere else, and yes, duh, I knew that I'd be with different people than I have been accustomed to these past four years, but it's a little deeper than that. In this upcoming year lies the opportunity to create something new. As I said, my process of packing has gotten me to think about how much I differ today in comparison to what I used to be. Everything around me is going to change. The only thing that will be the same is simply me, the personality that lies in this brain of mine, and the things that I choose to bring with me. This time of gathering of personal belongings is a really critical one, and one that has come faster than I ever imagined. High School, as I experienced it, really couldn't have gone much slower, but this summer, I feel like I just came back from Spanish camp not too long ago, and now I am just gracefully shoved into this situation of separation, decision, and discovery. Before my very eyes my friends are all leaving. Every weekend, a new set of friends embarks on their own separate journey. As this upcoming week commences, I will be the only one of my friends left here in Chappaqua. (I do have one other friend who starts college later than when NECCA starts, but he's in Korea at the moment, so for the sake of my point, his situation essentially doesn't count. :P) It is certainly time for me to have my turn.

To really put all of this blabber in short, I am finding this to be a bit of a step outside of my current comfort zone, but realistically, nothing else helps us to grow up better. For this, I find myself nervous; for this, I find myself excited. The emotions are beginning to propagate, mix, and swirl. I sometimes I don't know what I should be making out of them, but I know as time goes by all of my doubts and suspicions settle. It's all a matter of time. It's all a matter of the journey.

Trevor